Not answers.
Just someone who's been in it long enough to see the shape of it.

Hover any point — the lit ones open into a full story

1. 01 Middle school Secrets for a Seat A real ending — but I was still afraid to start I was being mentally bullied for a short time in 6th grade, which made me afraid of being left out. In middle school, I was two-faced. I traded B’s secret to A for a more secure seat in the circle. One day, B told me I didn’t need to do that to be liked. She didn’t blame me, just comforted me in a warm voice. I’ve carried that sentence for twenty years — but at the time I wasn’t able to believe it.
2. 02 Age 19 That Night Not a stage. A door. Read the full story → I thought I hid everything perfectly, until I received a card at the graduation day of high school from my best friend,”The best appearance isn't makeup. It's your smile. So be confident.” I lacked of confidence, pretending to be strong enough and no need for help. I was desperate to be understood when I got first partner in university. That night I told my ex-partner, “I think I look ugly.” The first time to show all my vulnerabilities. They just replied calmly, “If you say that, I feel sad, because I like you and think you're cute.” Read the full story →
3. 03 University · Germany Start without thinking much The first time I let action go ahead of thinking — and it changed me. I'd always come first, until I landed in a field that asks for talent. My teacher told me I had no talent but worked hard enough. I was considering changing the major, then I saw the exchange program notice. I had never left the country, never been on a plane, and had been told I had no talent. I decided not to think about it and just sent the application. I got in. And life in Germany really changed my perspective toward things. And I also gained the ability to “start without thinking much.”
4. 04 The company years in 2019 And Still Felt Useless I thought I was moving forward. I had just walked into the in-between. Running the company, I was good at it. But I still often felt useless. I kept trying new things, looking for what else I could offer. Looking back now, that restlessness — all that busyness — was the start of the in-between. It took me five years to recognize it.
5. 05 Became an influencer Force to face the true life and self First time I was truly living in the moment and gradually built myself. As I tried hard to be busy, I thought I could be an influencer. Although I wasn’t confident, what I learned was to do first. I started to log the food I ate, how I felt in different experiences, and take photos of myself. I thought I was ugly, so I used lots of filters. I saw my face every day, for months, years, and gradually could sit with my real photo and said, “this girl doesn’t look that bad.”
6. 06 Now The Thought Came Back This time, I know I’m in the in-between. After being busy with my own business and a modest influencer career, that thought came back. I felt stuck and useless again.
   I moved to Canada in 2025 to study international trade. I thought changing cities was starting over — the place had changed. I was still running the old version.
   But one day in the second year 2026, I searched for “life coach” again. I'd done the same thing years ago in Taiwan. I felt I wasn't qualified then, but this time I didn't push it away.
   Nothing in between proved anything. What changed was me.

I spent years in the blank, and most of that time I didn’t know I was in it. I thought I was moving — new job, new work, new country — until my second year in Canada, when I recognised it for the first time: oh. I’ve been in the middle this whole time.
Recognising it didn’t fix anything. But I stopped being anxious, and stopped trying to stay busy to fill the space.
Night Murmur is what I wrote down while walking. I saw a little of this road slightly before you did — that’s all.